New Year and Same Old Me?

Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3
I've been a bad, bad blogger. No blogs since October. Of course, who is really reading my blogs? If you have been...sorry. So much has happened since my last blog. The biggest problem was that our old laptops that we had just finally gave out. Now we have a new one. God bless "deals" that happen around the holidays and the fact that I got a job. Yes! I got a job. This old, tired, broken bodied lady got a job. I'll get to more of all that later, but I am typing this blog on a new laptop. So, I will hopefully be posting at least once a week for those that may want to read or not. :0)

The pastor used this scripture again today. "Run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Those of us with 'broken' bodies know that running is tough. But to run this race that is marked our for us? What if I didn't ask for this path? What if I didn't want this body? This job? This situation? But it is marked for me...me...the same old me. The same sinful, ugly me. I have to persevere in the process. *sigh*

So back to the whole job thing. Back in September, I went to see my specialist and she said that things were pretty stable. She said that my optic nerves were doing "ok". She didn't up my 'evil' meds. I prayed about it and felt the peace to start looking for a job. I started putting my resume out. I got the call from Champaign Headstart. Had the interview on Friday morning. Got a call by 1 p.m. with the job offer. Started work on Monday, November 7th. It wasn't necessarily the job I wanted. I wanted the 9-5:30 position at the early headstart room, but they offered me an 8:30-4:30 job that consists of two part day classes of 3-5 year olds. I took it knowing this where God wanted me to go but it wasn't pretty. The job is stressful on so many levels but because the purpose of the blog isn't to go into the stresses of the job but the perseverance of my "race" I will not go into all the stresses. Plus, this isn't where I imagined myself when I graduated from ISU back in 1998. Working at Headstart where most of the head teacher's only have an associates at this time? Nope! Not the "race" I had saw for myself. Yet, God did. God knew back in 1998...He knew the day I was born that I would end up here working because this was the race marked out for me...by Him. Fast forward to this past Wednesday. I had my three month appt with my specialist. My optic nerves are still holding their own. This is good news. My 'broken' body isn't crumbling because I am following God's Will. However, my migraines are still an ever present problem. My body hurts on a daily basis. Some days it hurts so bad that if I was a weaker person I would be curled up in a ball crying and wishing to see Jesus, but I persevere. I was telling this to my specialist who told me I was taking too much OTC medicine and drinking too much coffee to get through the day. I had an appt later that afternoon to see my general doctor. My specialist gave me a list of meds to take to my GP. I went to the next appt. I tried explaining things to my GP (who is a very nice and generally caring doctor). I will never forget the words that came out of her mouth, "Maybe you should see a Psychiatrist. Maybe your pain is in your head because you don't really want to work." My spirit was CRUSHED! She did give me a prescription, but I have yet to pick it up. Maybe she is right. Maybe all the pain I suffer is just psychosomatic. I had listened to God's Will. I had searched diligently for a job. I had taken a job that I felt was where He wanted me to be. So now, I am working as long as I feel He wants me to work and where He wants me to work. I am finding purpose even when I feel my body is broken. I know my body is hurting and it isn't "all in my head." I just have to persevere. I have to push through the pain. I have to cut back on the pain killers both OTC and not take the prescription because I have to know it isn't "in my head." Plus, if you have a 'broken' body, you just get so dang tired of taking more medicine. So, if you are reading this, please pray for me. I have to lose weight on top of everything else. I start tomorrow keeping track of what I eat. Being in pain....not being able to 'drown' my sorrows with food...amongst other stresses...I'm going to need lots of prayers!!!

Is 2012 going to be a great year? I don't know but I do know that with the knowledge that I am heaven bound and I have an awesome God who knows my 'path' and will not lead me down the wrong one, every year is an AWESOME year! If you  need prayers, please let me know because I know what it is like to have a 'broken' body that doesn't match the mind that God has given you. Here's to a new year and the same old me!