Don't Let Life Discourage You

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:9

This week was a wild ride for me. A week ago today, the crook of my right elbow started hurting right around where they had taken blood from me the Tuesday before. A few hours I started noticing that a bruise started around the area. This had never happen to me in the almost 2 years that I had started "falling apart" physically. I have gotten blood work taken at least once a month and much more frequently since everything started going 'wonky.' By morning, the bruise was worse and it was becoming very painful. I took my normal OTC pain reliever and it wasn't helping this pain. New bruise + new pain = panic me. I should know by now NOT to panic of stuff like this. However, when your body is broken "new" things like this tend to panic me. Not to be a big cry baby, I didn't call the doctor's office right away. I waited. The bruise got bigger. The pain shifted down my arm and up my arm. I called at 11 a.m. and left a message with the nurse. Here I have a disease that causes horrible pain. I don't call the doctor's every day. So, when I do call, you'd think it would send a red flag to the staff that maybe...maybe...something is wrong. (At least, that is what I'd like to think in my head.) So, I wait and I'm afraid that something is really wrong and not knowing what it might be I start to become discouraged and worried. The pain in my arm is so bad that I can't even open a door around 2 p.m. and I call the office again in tears leaving another message. Around 2:45 p.m. a nurse whom I'm not sure I've ever met, calls me back. The worst part? She's pretty patronizing about it all. Must have been something I did to the area and it is most likely the vein and where they took the blood...blah...blah..blah...She acts like I'm being a big baby about it. WHAT?!? If I called the doctor's office every day that I had a pain on a "normal" person's scale of "5" or greater, I'd be calling every friggin' day!!! I hung up and cried. Here it is a week later and the area is still really tender and hurts a lot but I'm tough now. No more panic. No more being afraid. It reminded me why I don't call the doctor even when I have the "I want to go me Jesus" pain. It reminded me why I don't go to the ER when I feel like life is about on the brink of end. Because...on the other end...it isn't. I'm not saying that to be mean or cruel but it isn't. They don't live with your body 24/7. They don't know you. They don't know what makes you tough or cry. I'm not saying that I wouldn't go if it was really "the end" or bleeding profusely but if it is going to get worse it will get worse and that is the only time they will or should hear from me outside of  regularly scheduled appointments. I have come to believe that pain is pain but whether my pain is a 5 or a 6 or a 7 or an 8 can all depend on my attitude or mood. Yesterday, I had pain that I would put on the scale as a 9. I could have rushed to the ER and spend the day moaning and groaning, begging for meds, feeling sorry for myself, etc. What did I do? I knew it would pass. I knew the day would pass. I spent most of the day in bed. I prayed. I took the meds I needed to take. I didn't overtake the meds. I didn't cry about how terrible my headache was. I just knew the day would pass. Today, my pain is about a 5. Not great, but still better than yesterday. I didn't let life discourage me.

Wednesday, I had my appointment with my Neuro Opthamologist. It went really well. My optic nerves are less swollen. YEAH!! She didn't up my evil meds. YEAH!! However, she chastised me for not taking more vicadin when I got my migraines. She lectured me for not going to the ER or to my general practitioner when the pain got bad. I tend to think that I am getting better because I'm not spending my time over thinking and over medicating my disease. I'm not letting life which includes this disease discourage me. I'm not perfect at it. I still panic. I still worry. I still over think. Yes, I do take vicadin (just took one Saturday). I still cry out for God to show me the purpose of the pain. I still get depressed at times about it all. I have just decided to change my thinking about things.

One thing that has helped is this blog. One other thing that has helped is prayer and my relationship with God. I also have a great support system with my friends and family. If you read this and need a friend, I am here for you. I pray every day that God give me a listening heart. I will always have a listening heart for you. I also have my walking. I walk every day for 30 min in pain or shine. I figure if I can walk to the bathroom that I can put one foot in front of the other. It is all mine and mine only. One day I will share with you why I walk. It also gives me time with God.

God did not give us broken bodies to punish us. He gave us broken bodies to show us His purpose for our lives. We just have to be still and listen. Don't let life discourage you....