The Walking Dead

I just love people who are so self-righteous. You just keep going ahead and judging me and I'll keep praying that you never really feel how I feel physically. If this is just a glorified way to feel sorry for myself or to continue to live negatively to gather the 'attention' from others, than I get it and you can quit bringing it up.

That was my post from a year ago on Facebook. If there is one thing that both The Old Me and The New Me agree on is Judgemental People. Ugg! They are everywhere. Everywhere! They walk around the planet and call themselves friends and family. Why do they feel the need to judge me because on the outside I don't look sick. Yeah...even the mirror fools me some days. I also don't have a well known disease like The Big C or a Politically Correct Disease. 'But you don't look sick' Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have the dark and twisty medical stuff.  There is a whole website dedicated to illnesses like that and they call themselves "Spoonies." Whole theory that is cute and sweet about not having enough spoons and I totally respect that, but unless you know the story and know the theory and understand the give and take of "spoons" you get a 'huh?' response. I, on the other hand, am a little dark and twisty and don't get cutsie pootsie with my life. Where some see spoons and the lack of spoons, I see The Walking Dead. If you don't know what it feels like to be The Walking Dead, well, you don't know what it feels like. Last night, a good friend revealed she has The Big C...Breast. DAMN! I made a comment about The Walking Dead and she looked at me like I had three heads. At first I was a little put off. Have The Big C and NOT know The Walking Dead feeling? Then it dawned on me (remember I had The Zombie visiting me yesterday and was not thinking very well) today, HER dark and twisty medical crap was just starting. SHE has NOT felt The Walking Dead feeling yet or NOT for days on end. I know I will bring up The Walking Dead and dark and twisty/evil meds three months from now and she will look at me with hollowed out eyes and I will know she will know The Walking Dead feeling.

What is The Walking Dead feeling? For those that know what I'm talking about, you just know. But for those that don't, imagine having the worst flu EVER. Think of the feeling of rolling out of bed and living your life like that day after day after day. You don't actually have the flu...just the feeling of it. You do what you have to do. You be what you have to be. You eat what you have to eat. You say what you have to say. You smile when you need to smile. You try not to cry. You live. You breathe. You are The Walking Dead. Not every day, but most days. People say "Be Grateful your alive." Ah yes...G-R-A-T-E-F-U-L Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. People say "Be positive." Ah yes...P-O-S-I-T-I-V-E Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. People say "Life could be worse." Ah yes...W-O-R-S-E Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. People say "Be Thankful." Ah yes...T-H-A-N-K-F-U-L Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Grateful. Positive. Worse. Thankful. The Walking Dead. I'm Alive. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. See you T-O-M--O-R-R-O-W  Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.Thanks!!